General

I’m very conflicted about gaining weight. For context, I’m a bit chubby right now, not through intentional weight gain, and I’m not super fat. It feels like my desires are conflicting, on one hand, my fetishistic and sexual desires want me to get obese, but my nonsexual desires want me to get fit since I like being active. Plus I worry about fat ruining my face structure.

Was or is anyone else in my position? What did you decide? If you decided to go through with it, was it worth it? Any advice?

My apologies, I don’t think fat people have ruined faces, I was careless with my words, I am specifically worried about not liking my face after significant weight gain

Again, I’m sorry, I don’t mean all fat people have ruined faces. I was careless with my words. And I’m sorry your family is crappy to you for it. I specifically meant that I’m worried about not liking my face in particular with weight gain since I already have a pretty wide face

Internalized fatphobia is a bitch. Well, any form of internalized self hatred is.

From your point of view, all you saw was the death of self. You are used to your face looking a certain way, and that is a major form of your personal identity. So, naturally, you want to keep it even as you change other parts of yourself.

Meanwhile, unintentionally, you equated all fat people as having ruined fat faces. I'm sure you don't think they have ruined faces. But unchallenged biases are funny like that.

If you like your face as is and don't want it to change, that is a valid reason not to gain. However, I would challenge you to consider why you see it as ruining your face.

I’m going to stop quoting, otherwise this would get too long. But yes, I didn’t mean to imply all fat people’s faces are ruined. I just am specifically worried that since I already have a bigger than average face, that I’m self conscious about, that getting fatter would make it bigger and “ruin” my self image of my face to me. I think I am significantly more critical of myself than with others in an unhealthy way, as I view most others as beautiful. That is quite some food for thought though Munchies, although I guess I’m back at square one unsure if my hesitation at gaining weight is holding me back from doing something crazy for my life or me unreasonably withholding joy to myself.

I do have a complicated relationship with food, I both hate and like eating. For me, what appeals to me about becoming fat isn’t the eating, but being soft and big and cuddly.

I think that one of the best things a feedist can do - both those who live to eat and feel conflicted about eating - is to untangle their relationship with food. Huge quality of life boost.

I was in the exact same position as you 5 years ago.I was around 210 pounds when I was debating to gain weight over time and I had the exact same conflicting opinions about gaining weight. For me it took 2 years to come to decision that I actually wanted to put on more weight after coming to terms that I'm purely denying myself the satisfaction of gaining weight and eating what I love because I was worried about what other people think of my appearance(this still effects be to this day but to a much smaller degree).

In terms of fitness and health,munchies and the others are right about the exercise part.While it will definitely slow down your weight gain progress,its definitely worth it in the long run for your health if you have the patience .I personally do lot of weight lifting with a little bit of cardio 4 times a week as ive been putting om weight over time but any kind of exercise would work. Also make sure you are still eating somewhat of a balance diet when you over eat since your body still needs basic nutrients to function propertly.Theres still a certain point where if you eat like shit for very long periods of time,it could really take a toll on your health.

For face fat,it really depends from person to person.Some people get little to no face fat when they put on weight and for some their face just begins to balloon up with face fat after like 20-30 pounds.Its really up to genetics how puffy your face gets.For me I started to get a double chin as i began to get close to 300 pounds and its starting to become even more prominent as I get bigger.I have mixed feelings about how my double chin looks on me but I've kinda just grown to accept it overtime. Ice even grown just a little bit fond of it just because it reminds me how big ive actually gotten.